How Systems Protect the Heart of School Leadership
By: Dr. Sonia A. Matthew, NBCT
In my experience as an Assistant Principal, I can tell you that the role often feels like a revolving door of endless problems. The continuous phone calls, stacks of paperwork, last-minute directives, and the "emergencies" that disrupt the day are just a few examples. For a long time, I thought being a visible, impactful leader meant sprinting toward every single fire myself. But true leadership isn’t about being the ultimate rescuer; instead, it is about building the capacity of others.
I remember a particular day when the old version of me would have bolted out of my chair. A situation was escalating down the hall, and my instinct was to intervene. Instead, I stayed in my office. I chose to step back because we had intentionally invested in our teachers, empowering them and equipping them with the agency to de-escalate, lead, and resolve. By choosing not to rescue, I allowed them to grow. And by staying in that space, I preserved my own time and energy to maximize the deeply human, intentional moments that only an administrator can facilitate.
Last month just before catching my flight to see my parents in Canada, I had the honor of being a guest on the #UMustLearn radio show hosted by Dr. Daryl Howard. During the interview, I found myself getting incredibly stirred up reflecting on who I am, why I am wired to build up others, and the legacy of the "moment shakers" who pave our paths. Looking back at my journey, from being a fresh, wide-eyed college student to a classroom educator, all the way to achieving National Board Certification, I can pinpoint three distinct people who took a chance on me. They poured their belief into my empty cup. One of them was an incredible HR director who recruited me right out of Canada, navigating the complexities of immigration laws and sticking her neck out to bring me across the border.
Those individuals didn't just fill a vacancy or check a professional box; they literally changed the trajectory of my life. When moment shakers leave us, their legacy remains embedded in our leadership DNA. My time with Dr. Howard left my soul on fire, and it got me thinking deeply about the spaces we occupy right now.
Over the last several weeks, those reflections hit even closer to home. I was back in Canada, spending quiet, sacred days caring for my parents. Being in my childhood home forced me to slow down and look through the lens of history. My parents had their own profound moments of navigating an entirely new world: learning new customs, adapting to unfamiliar norms, and mastering a different language.
My dad is currently navigating the cruel reality of dementia. Much of the present slips through his fingers, yet there is one memory that remains untouched by the disease. He still remembers Chantal, the woman at the port of entry when he first arrived in Canada as a young, terrified, and vulnerable immigrant. He remembers her simple act of listening. He remembers her compassion. Because Chantal chose to see his humanity in that high-stakes moment, my father found the courage to build a beautiful, rich life in Canada.
“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” — Maya Angelou
That single moment shaped our entire family legacy. If a border official’s compassion can alter a family's history, what does that mean for us as school leaders? The way we greet a child, the way we look a teacher in the eye, the patience we afford a frustrated parent; these are the seeds of a legacy. Last year, I received a thank you letter from a former student who is now a classroom teacher. Why? Because of the multiplied moments of validation she received from me as her teacher over a decade ago. We are planting seeds every single day, and we must never forget that they matter.
Why Human-Centered Leaders Need Rigid Systems
The other day, a National Board-Certified Teacher candidate whom I am mentoring asked me an important question: “Sonia, if you are so human-centered and so deeply committed to investing in people, how do you handle your systems? Doesn't the rigid nature of administration get in the way of the heart?”
My answer was immediate: Systems are not the enemy of human-centered leadership; they are the protectors of it.
Let’s face it: the sheer volume of work we do as APs can easily swallow our day. If we don’t have clear, non-negotiable procedures for the operational side of our jobs, like coaching teachers, moving student achievement, and managing discipline, the logistics will completely override the relationships we are trying to create and sustain. We need proactive, equitable systems so we can free up our cognitive space to give people our absolute best.
If you want to move from survival to true success, you have to build systems that intentionally create and protect human connection. Here are three concrete ways I have successfully maximized my moments as an AP:
1. The Equitable Lunch Bunch Opportunity
We often say we love our students, but do our schedules reflect equitable access to that love? It’s easy to spend all our time with the students who frequently visit the office for behavior, or with our high-achieving student leaders. To bridge this gap, I built a systematic Lunch Bunch Spreadsheet at the beginning of the year.
The Process: Teachers fill out a shared Excel spreadsheet routing their students through a random rotation.
The Execution: Every Friday, I host a Lunch Bunch featuring a student chosen randomly from each classroom.
The Impact: This has nothing to do with behavior metrics; it’s pure, uninterrupted face time. The students know it’s random, and this system fills our entire two-semester calendar. It guarantees that every single student gets to sit with their AP, look them in the eye, and be heard.
2. Curiosity in Classrooms and Hallways
When you walk through your building, are you just looking for compliance, or are you building relational trust? When you step into a classroom or catch a student in the hallway, pivot from an evaluator to a curious learner. Ask them:
“What are you learning today?”
“Wow, can you show me how that works?”
The secret sauce is the follow-up. The next time you see that student or step back into that room, mention what they showed you previously. This simple practice builds an unbreakable foundation of trust. In their framework on school leadership, authors Dr. Rachel Edoho-Eket and Dr. Brad Johnson write extensively about the power of relational trust. You cannot build instructional capacity or sustain a healthy school culture without it, and it is forged entirely within these micro-moments.
3. Deeply Personal, Hand-Written Notes
Taking care of our teachers is non-negotiable. We must model care, but we must also actively deliver it. However, finding the time to write highly personalized notes during a chaotic school year is incredibly difficult.
This past March, I traveled to Malaysia for my cousin’s wedding. It was a beautiful, massive, four-day traditional Indian wedding, an absolute whirlwind of events. Despite the staggering scale and the natural stress of planning, my cousin took the time to hand-write a deeply personal, customized note to every single guest in attendance. It moved me to tears. I sat there and thought, “If he can find the time to do this in the middle of a four-day Indian wedding, I have absolutely no excuse as a leader.”
This summer, I spent some quiet time writing handwritten notes to my teachers to set the tone for the upcoming year. Moving forward, I have built a system to maintain this momentum: I use my winter holiday break to write mid-year notes, and the summer transition to write end-of-year notes. It is a stretch, but our staff deserves to know that they are seen as individuals, not just positions on a roster.
The Quick-Hit Moments: Three Micro-Habits
If you are looking to audit your daily routines, start with these three operational areas:
Focus Area
Intentional Action
Leadership Impact
The Front Door
Stand at the door every single morning and consciously set the energy for the building.
You become the emotional thermostat of the school before the first bell even rings.
The Conflict Pause
When a crisis lands on your desk, pause. Don’t react; listen, and seek first to understand.
De-escalates tension and preserves the dignity of the student, parent, or staff member.
Lunch Duty
Shift your perspective from "monitoring behavior" to actively connecting with students.
Transforms an operational duty into a positive, community-building opportunity.
We Are Living the "Good Old Days" Right Now
As leaders, it is so easy to get caught up in the friction of what went wrong or stuck in a loop of second-guessing our decisions. I want to encourage you to drop that heavy baggage.
We have to realize that we are living the good old days right now. In five, ten, or twenty years, we will look back on these exact school years, these exact moments, and these exact faces with immense nostalgia. Our students, our staff, and our communities rarely get a second chance at this specific season of their lives. We must make it better for them today.
When we invest our social capital, our administrative systems, and our daily energy into young people and educators, we aren't just managing a building, but we are responsible for the moments we shape that shake the future. And truly, if we aren't leading to maximize those human connections, why even lead in the first place?
Let’s keep pressing forward, keeping our systems tight so our hearts can stay open.
